motivational quote of the day

I wrote this quote down yesterday that was posted on forbes.com. 


"There is no adversity capable of stopping you once the choice to persevere is made"


-- Jason Kilar

Chasing Down the Golden Unicorn article form Runners World

This is an article I found at Runners World.  It is entitled "Chasing Down the Golden Unicorn" by Pegleg83 on Runner World "The Loop".  Apparently there are others out there that have a shared experience. 




Editor’s note: This post comes from The Loop, an active community of bloggers hosted by Runner’s World. “Loopsters” share their running experiences and give each other tons of encouragement. To get involved, post a comment on someone’s blog or click the “Add Content” button and then select “Blog Post in The Loop” to start a blog of your own. Each week, we’ll select a post from The Loop and highlight it on the RunnersWorld.com homepage.


Someone (supposedly Einstein, but that's debateable) said insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.


Yet that's precisely what I'm doing. Laying it on the line for a goal, hoping this time it doesn't turn out like the last 3 times. Going through the training, the speedwork, the intervals, the tempos, the long runs. The 4:00am alarms, early bedtimes and long morning runs on weekends instead of sleeping in. The blisters and chafing. Fatigue, sore muscles and endless hunger.


The blood, sweat and tears of marathon training.


In chasing my dream of Boston qualifying, it hasn't been easy, and it still hasn't been accomplished.


Not for lack of trying, though. God knows I tried. The Loop knows I tried. My husband, who saw me struggle through those planned race days that became stay-at-home-to-nurse-an-injury days, knows better than anyone that I tried.


Having run my first and only marathon in late 2013, the minute I crossed the Rehoboth finish line, I knew. I wanted that minus-12 minutes for a BQ. I would not give up until I had it, from that day forward.








It's a good thing I didn't know how severely “from that day forward” would get tested. That was 2.5 years ago. If I make it to BOS2018, my current goal, it will have been 4 years since I started my very first BQ-attempt training cycle.


4 half-marathons: DNSed. 2 marathons: DNSed. 2 marathons: DNFed. 3 season-altering, sometimes season-ending, injury stints lasting from 10 weeks to 9 months. I'm no longer sure where my comebacks end and my “I'm-backs” begin; they blur together in a roller coaster ride of renewed hopes and dashed dreams.


This word became my mantra, my anchor, my something-to-aspire-to in every journey back. Be the fiercest you can be at something else if you can't run. I learned how to swim. I biked and spent time in the gym. 





I'm on the other side of injury again, the circle complete. I just wrapped up my highest run-mileage week since September, 2015 (+ 55 miles on the bike).





I want to believe.


I want to envision myself succeeding.


I want to be positive.


It's hard when you've been burned, though. I'm on the brink of this thing, I can almost taste victory. But I can also remember limping home from a 7 mile easy taper run, 2 weeks before Marshall Marathon last fall. Crying because I knew my dream was deferred again. 


What if I have to go through what I did the last two seasons… God, I cannot endure it again. How many times would it take to defeat me? How often will I repeat the lunacy? How insane am I willing to be?


Oh, I'm not scared of the training itself: the miles, the sacrifices, the pain, the fatigue. That's the easy part. In a sense, I've trained for this goal several times over already, an endless training cycle that bore no fruit.


But the skeletons of injuries, the ghosts of DNFs past… those are what haunt me. Battling and defeating the demons of fear and failure is a bigger task than any miles I must run.


Because I know how quickly things can go so wrong. How the tides of fate and (mis)fortune can wash up on your shores and obliterate your meticulously constructed sandcastles. How every shred of running fitness can wither away and your identity as a runner feels misplaced and abandoned. Experiencing not just weeks or months of setbacks, but years of chasing something that eludes you. Watching your friends achieve the dream... a bittersweet triumph that rejoices with them while a quiet longing inside cuts open and bleeds. 


You almost cease thinking about finishing the marathon of your dreams because you desperately want just the chance to begin it.


My chance to set foot on the start line unbroken and healthy has begun. It's wreathed in fear, baptized by the tears of previous disappointment, but it's starting. I breathe daily a hopeful, anguished prayer: one more run, one more week, one unbroken training cycle. Please give me my shot at this. Please don't break my heart again.


2.5 years of trying, for a goal that's nearly 2 years in the future, boiled down to the next 14.5 weeks. Trying something that has thrice failed me before. Running the miles, putting in the hours, taking the risks.


Insanity? Maybe.


Well, I say I'm in good company here. Obstacle-race runners and trail runners and road runners and ultra-runners and CrossFit runners. People running for 24 hours  and people trying to run a mile in 5 minutes. Folks busting their butts for a 5k PR or a marathon PR. Streaking for God-knows-how-many-days, running for healing from addiction, depression, a breakup or just running to stay fit and healthy. Qualifying for the frickin' Olympic Trials. A quick glance around at what you people are doing and daring and dreaming indicates that the Loop is a collection of lunatics. At least, lunatics to those looking in.


You know what's worse than insanity? Mediocrity. Complacence. Life lived without challenge, adventure, quest.


The golden unicorn beckons. I close my eyes during a run and envision finishing the Wineglass Marathon with that number on the clock. The sweeping strains of "Sweet Caroline" coming across the sound system at the gym moves me to tears. I could no more abandon this dream than I could stop running altogether.


And I would rather have a dream deferred a hundred times than never have a dream at all.





Photo credits to: Roger Beutler, Donald Danlag, and Dave Frederick